I dreamed a lucid dream of you - beautiful, tall, upright, dark-haired, captivating eyes. You were looking at me from across the room, enticing me, tying me up. The sweat broke across my chest - so powerful your seduction game was. My fingers were shaking uncontrollably and I could not think, feel or do anything else but stare back helplessly. And the butterflies in my belly, they came rushing all at once. I never knew there were so many butterflies. I felt like a leaf in a stormy wind, spinning and swirling toward my own destruction. By every exchanged look, I sank deeper into my own demise.
Then the new scene appeared: a warm summer night and a canopy lifting on the breeze. There you were, silently coming forward, sneaking in between my sheets. Skin to skin and your exhale on my in-breath. Captivating groan of your satin mouth. There was a missed heartbeat freed of the space and time. I remember I whispered: "I love you so much I could die."
And then it all disappeared. Your beautiful face turned all hairy; you grew horns. Your feet tuned into hooves, you acquired a devilish form. You laughed mockingly, deriding me; your laughter was humiliating just as much as my deception. I was suffocating with my own saliva, my throat closed on me. Then again everything melted into the night.
Around me only vast enormous fields. I am now a soldier in battles across the world. Alexander the Great, they call me. There are empty fields, camps and spaces of never before crossed lands. There is a multitude of people with miraculous customs, songs and dances. There is an abundance of most unusual foods and wines. There are legends I have never heard of before. Some beings come at night pushing through the vails stretched between the worlds and what is possible and what isn't mingle together between dusk and down.
Beware of the swirling winds across the steppes, people warned me, they bring all kind of wonders. Close your eyes. Do not get curious about the sounds dancing around your head. You heartsickness will save you. When one is heartbroken, he is humbled by the weight of the pain, he kneels down, he is mortified. He is close to his angels and a prayer never leaves his lips. Arrogant ones tend to look up, to underestimate. You will live, there is too much pain in you, people said.
There were spaces wide and miraculous, like the universe itself, but not wide enough for my misery.
I did, though, conquered them all.
Photo taken from https://russiatrek.org/blog/nature/amazingly-beautiful-scenery-of-ukok-plateau-in-altai/
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