Coming home

 A single question resulted in a complete shift the perspective. 

I had a privilege to meet with a very sage and experienced women. She was trained in classical medicine but ended practicing alternative medicine, including osteopathy. A months prior to our meeting, I was restless and thorn apart between where I was and where I wanted to be. I have already worked as a medical doctor, but was heavily engaged in studying the principles of energy medicine, shamanism, herbalism and nutrition. I added so many tasks to my already busy schedule and brought upon myself so much work, that I never had time to stop and breathe, let alone contemplate what is the point of all these extracurricular activities: is it only a genuine curiosity and thirst for knowledge or is it simply a distraction from facing whatever was missing - "my angels, my demons, a thorn in my pride". 

And then the women appeared at what was meant to be a friendly but generic meeting. We planned to talk about the energy medicine, classical medicine, life path and courage to acknowledge when something does not feel right and to step into the unknown to find whatever awaits for us there. 

And then I mentioned the land and how the thought of the land is becoming increasingly obsessive. "Which land", she asked? 

There is the land where my ancestors used to live. This patch of earth of an exquisite beauty was always underdeveloped. After the civil war, it remained abandoned and neglected by the local government and its laws. Somehow, every development initiative seems to pass it by. It awaits there - dry and thirsty, whipped by the insolent arid wind, waiting for the drop of rain. Or does it? 

"What it is within you that is represented by this land? What the land means to you?" 

This question caught me so much off the balance that I had to abruptly end this very beautiful conversation. This new prospective was something I never thought about, or was burying so deep that I never could have retrieved it, not even though my most prophetic dreams. 

But this question made the shell finally crack and from deep within came the storm so strong that tuned everything upside down. All deepest wounds and greatest blessing came swirling around in an entangled whirlwind of sensations. I laid down on the ground and finally surrendered to what was calling for a long long time. Suddenly, all become clear, the voices become sharp and recognizable, the song and chanting invoked the space of sacredness, the smell of warm milk, juniper and fire emanated from the air and I was given a chance to re-live the moments and retrieve the messages within them. 

"What the land means to you? What of you have you left behind that is represented by the land?"